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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.