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I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
Don`t ever forget.. I`m always here. A l w a y s. Scrolling. Judging. Judging. Scrolling. That`s right. I see everything.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.