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I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.