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Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.