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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.
If two donuts are stuck together it counts as one right?