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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(