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Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........