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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
Somehow, we`ve got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.