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When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."