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The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...