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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
I accidentally spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
When I`m bored, I send a random text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?"
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
Today`s subliminal thought is: …