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If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
Please don`t hastag out loud...
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
Hash browns not tags.
A friend of mine asked if I was coming to her wedding. I said no, I`ll catch the next one. She`s mad at me now.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.