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You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!