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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
Never squat with your spurs on
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....