Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.