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I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
A wise man, will often say nothing
I’m just like everyone else: I put my straight jacket on one buckle at a time.
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.