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I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
´s status message is better than yours
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.