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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?