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The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.