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If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.