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If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.