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I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
Happy July 22nd! Today isn’t a holiday, but you’re alive and well, so why not celebrate?
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?