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Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
My clothes are 75% off and this is not a sale.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas