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You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.