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If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.