Daily Silly Status

All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.

I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.

Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.

I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.

Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?

I always tell myself there is no such thing as a stupid question, but everyday someone tries to change my mind

Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.

You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.

Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.

I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.

I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.

Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.

I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D