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Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....