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What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.