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Trust me, you want me medicated!!
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
Caught myself yelling "F*CK YOU" to my burrito for dripping on my pants, if you were wondering who`s raising the next generation.
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.