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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.