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Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.