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A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
The best way to scare a man is to use the urinal stall next to him. This works exceptionally well if you are a woman.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.