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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.