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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves