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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.