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Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
The closest I got to a 4.0 at university… was my blood alcohol level!
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.