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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.