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"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
Caterpillars have it made. They eat a lot, go to sleep, then wake up beautiful.
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
I dream about naps.
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.