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Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
FB friends, please let me know if you own one of those cool little Smart cars so I can unfriend you.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."