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The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
he who laughs last thinks slow
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.
I can`t believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.