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How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.