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If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
I`m never free but I`m available.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?