Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.