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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
Plan B includes margaritas.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
Clapping: Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else`s accomplishments.
Doctor: How`s your headache? Me: She`s out of town.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"