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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
Dear penis, thanks for not bleeding once a month. Sincerely, every man ever.
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!