Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The worst time to need to sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee it when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"