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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Shouldn`t we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It`s like we work there for a little while.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.