Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of