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I wish I had a friend like me
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
Mondays should start at noon.
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...