Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.