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I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
there is no strong beer, only weak men
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted