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Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.