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People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
Been there, done that. allegedly
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...