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I put the o in illiterate!
Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
Put that down you fat piece of sh!t` - the title of the dieting book I`m writing.
My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
Be good ... or I will text Santa
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.