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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
How does one get a nice body without moving?
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)